Of all the things I’ve struggled with spiritually, prayer hasn’t been one of them. I enjoy praying. I talk to God the same way I would a friend. I tell him about my day. Or I cry and say “this isn’t fair”. Sometimes I just say thank you. And at times all I say is His name when I have no other words.
But I’ve noticed my prayers have been a lot more complicated lately.
I’ve come upon a very uncertain time in my life. I didn’t know if I was going to get into grad school, then I did.
So now I don’t know where I’m going to live, who I’m going to live with, or how I’m going to afford to live there. And obviously, like any student, I don’t know how I’m going to pay for school itself.
Naturally, when we need help we ask God for a hand. After all, He’s in complete control.
So my prayers lately have sounded like, “Lord help me find a place to live..that’s safe and affordable..and send some scholarship money…and help me get a job that pays for all that.” And then maybe I’ll throw in an “if it’s in Your will” at the end to make sure God knows that I still know He’s in control (or maybe to make myself feel less guilty about turning my Father into a genie).
I gave up in the middle of a prayer recently when I got tired of just asking God for things. As I reevaluated what I was praying and why, as well as how I could change it, I realized that I was going about it completely wrong.
I do genuinely need God’s help. I need it every day, and then some. But asking him to help me in all these areas is almost like I’m doubting that He even cares to begin with.
I was talking with a best friend, who is also about to begin grad school, the other day when he started talking about all the same concerns I have about the future. He said he seemed pretty overwhelmed with everything that needed to be worked out, and I told him how I’d been feeling the same, but that I had totally changed my perspective when talking to God about it. Instead of asking God to help me with _____, _____, and ______, I just give it to Him, knowing that He’s always one step ahead of me, working it out before I’ve even thought about it.
I think it means more to God when we can simply say, “Here it is, I trust You with this”, rather than listing all the specific things we need Him to do.
Chances are (100%) that God knows what we need better than we do.
Don’t seek His hand, seek His face.