With me going off to grad school in just over a week, I’ve given a lot of thought to the direction of the blog. Mom and I said that in spite of the future distance between her and I, we’d keep it going, which is still what we plan to do. In doing some internal self-discovery, I’ve realized that my favorite part of the blog is not talking about clothes, or make up, or the most popular trend at the moment- I’d really just rather write about what’s in my heart & on my mind.
This season has been the best and worst of my life- which sounds weird as I say it because I’m only (almost) 23 and still have so much more life ahead of me, with more best and worst times to come. This year, I was the first in my family to get a bachelor’s degree, and I got accepted into grad school. So many things fell together, and fell apart too.
My whole life I have been a planner. I planned to do well in high school so that I could go to college. I planned to excel in college so that I could get into a master’s program. I planned at the young age of 16ish that, yes, it was my destiny to be a marriage therapist. And, with the encouragement of a dear professor, I planned to go after my Ph.D. while I’m at it. I always knew the next step, the whole picture. But I realized the other day that my plans have run out. Graduate from high school? Check. Go to college? Check. Decide the perfect job for me? Check. Get into grad school? Yup.
What now? In all honesty, I doubted my ability to even get into grad school, so when I got the call I was too overwhelmed with happiness to think that, yes, this is really happening. But I haven’t made any plans. There’s no new check list of what to accomplish. Normally, this would absolutely freak me out; however, I feel calm and secure in the uncertainty. In my short (almost) 23 years of living, I have learned that plans change. We can make all the plans we want, put every detail in place, but at the end of the day God is going to take that plan and turn it upside down. He is the God of creating all things good and new. He makes plans we could have never thought of ourselves.
So before I go, I’ll say that I don’t really have a plan anymore. The only plan I do have is to illustrate in this blog the honesty and realness that I value so much as I share the best (and worst) moments of the next few years.
With honest love,