I was really involved in my youth group when I was a teenager, and during that time made lots of friends at my church and other churches in our district. There was this talent competition at a popular Christian university that everyone participated in each summer to get scholarship money for college. Most people would sing or play an instrument. Some could do both. My friend Luke would always tell me to enter, to which I would reply, “I can’t. I’m not talented.” He’d always respond back with, “Yes you are. Everyone has a talent.”
In case you’re wondering, I never entered the competition. I truly did not think I had any talents. I didn’t have anything I could show off in front of people on stage. I was smart in high school and made good grades, but no one likes the person who holds up their straight-A report card. That only works at Krispy Kreme to get a free donut.
Maybe God didn’t give me any show-offy talents because He knew I wasn’t humble enough to handle it, I don’t know. But for a long time I struggled with not being “talented”. I wanted to be like everyone else.
When I got to college, feelings of being “different” started to creep back in and make me doubt who I was. One thing that stuck out to me most towards my last year was that every girl was engaged or married or always talking about it. I was in a relationship at the time with someone I was seriously pursuing and it got to the point where we started talking about marriage, and kids. And everyone else seemed to be talking about marriage and kids, so I thought about marriage and kids a whole lot. To be honest though, something about it felt weird to me. I really wasn’t ready. I was so much more content studying psychology, learning new things, and preparing for grad school. But this made me feel different. So you know what I did? I actually prayed and asked God, sometimes begged Him, to make me like the other girls who wanted marriage, and babies, and all the other typical things girls “should want”. I might have even shed a tear a time or two.
Before you feel bad for past Claire, don’t. I’m actually laughing as I write this because it’s now funny to me that I, Claire Davie Webb, would ask God to make me into something I am not. One day I for sure will be cool with all those things, but it’s not my time yet. I have stuff to do.
So the answer is no, God didn’t change me. Because the intention behind me wanting to be changed was totally wrong.
I wasn’t desiring change to be more like Jesus, I was desiring change to be more like everyone else.
God tells us we aren’t meant to be the same. The next time you find yourself wanting to be like everyone else, ask yourself why. And if you find yourself feeling different, then know that you’re probably doing something right.
With honest love,